


I don't wanna die

by mountainofschist



Series: Lost and Found [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Blood and Gore, Character Death, F/F, Unhappy Ending, i don't even know why i wrote this, like seriously it'll wreck you, okay if you don't wanna be sad dont read this, this is my first shot at a CR fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-05-27 17:29:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15029588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mountainofschist/pseuds/mountainofschist
Summary: The Mighty Nein are resting in a clearing after a rough couple of fights earlier in the day. Yasha decides to fish right before a Chimera attack and shit hits the fan





	1. Chapter 1

Molly dropped to his knees as he reached Beau’s side. He looked around to try and find something to stop the blood flowing from the tear in her stomach. Her eyes flickered open, unfocused and dull with pain. Molly leaned closer to her, forcing eye contact.

“Hey, Unpleasant One. Look at me.”

Her eyes focused on him and she smiled, her teeth stained red with her own blood.

“You’re so obnoxious I’d be hard not to look at you.”

Molly nodded, his racing heart slowing a bit.

“If you can still be an asshole, you can pull through this.”

Molly whipped his head around, looking for Jester.

“Jes, Beau needs help!”

The Cleric shook her head. “I’m out of spells. What about you, Caleb?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know any healing spells.”

Jester let out a furious throat scream and she looked around to the rest of the group. “Do any of you have a health potion?”

“No.” Fjord grunted as dealt the final blow to the Chimera with his falchion.

Molly looked to Nott, but the small goblin shook her head. “I’m sorry.”

Beau let out another gurgling laugh before closing her eyes and letting her head fall back.

“This is what I get for trying to punch a fucking Chimera.”

Molly sighed and shook his head.

“No, you don’t get to fucking do that. Open your eyes and fight like the badass monk that you are.”

Beau opened her eyes and looked at Molly, all of the fight disappearing from her body. “Molly, I… I can’t. It hurts...”

Molly clenched his jaw and looked away for a second.

“Fuck, Beau. Yes you can. You don’t get to take the easy road out of our shitshow of a life. Fight!”

Beau’s eyes cleared for a second and she grabbed Molly’s hand.

“Yasha…” she whispered, pausing to take a breath. “Is she back yet?”

Molly shook his head. “No, but she’ll be back from the river any second. You just gotta hold on.”

Beau nodded and she swallowed. 

“But if she doesn’t come back in time…”

Molly quickly shushed her. “No. You’re going to tell her yourself. Alright. And you two are going to grow old together and all of that disgusting sappy shit that I need to say to give you a will to live.”

Beau’s other hand quickly grabbed Molly’s and he winced from the strength in her grip. She looked at him while taking labored breaths.

“Molly, I don’t wanna die.”

A tear fell from her eye as they unfocused and her hand released his.

He slapped her face a few times and did his best attempt at CPR, but nothing worked.

“FUCK!”

Molly sat back on his heels and stared at the lifeless body of his friend. He looked up to see Jester staring at the trees behind him.

“BEAU!”

A strangled scream echoed across the clearing as Yasha dropped the fish she was carrying and bolted over to Beau. She pulled the monk into her lap and poured a healing potion down her throat.

“Wake up. Come on, Blue. Don’t leave me.”

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all of the supportive comments. I've never gotten this much love for a fic!

Yasha didn't know how long she had been sitting on the ground with Beau in her lap, but it was long enough for her to feel all of the warmth drain out of her girlfriend’s body. She could feel five sets of eyes boring into her back as the rest of The Mighty Nein sat around the small fire that Caleb had made. She closed her eyes, hoping to hear the familiar songs of the various birds and insects that live in the woods, but all she could hear was the soft rustling of the leaves as a storm started to brew. Yasha looked up at the sky as gray clouds rolled in and the first few drops of rain fell, sizzling as they hit the fire. Yasha pulled Beau closer to her chest and clutched her amulet.  _ Stormlord, if you can hear me please do something… anything. _ She waited a few moments, but the god was silent in reply. She looked back down at Beau and brushed a few stray hairs off of her face. 

“I know that you're gone and probably can't hear me right now, but I love you. I was too afraid to say it while you were alive because it meant that I could lose you too. I decided that not telling you would keep you safe, but I was wrong.” 

She closed her eyes and pressed a soft kiss to Beau's forehead.

“I love you.”

Yasha felt a warm breeze flow around her and just for a second, she smelled Beau in it. She could never forget the combination of Jester's lavender soap, pocket bacon, and stale ale. Yasha closed her eyes as another wave of emotion overcame her and she fought back the urge to scream at the top of her lungs. She wanted to let out all of her pent-up rage against the world but she knew that it wouldn't help. Beau is dead and no one is able to revive her. Not even Kord.

  
  


 

That night Jester didn't put her usual drawings into her sketchbook. She drew the Chimera tearing into Beau, Fjord killing the Chimera, Beau dying and lastly Yasha breaking down. It was a silent plea of help to the Traveler.  He is the father that she never had and Beau was the sister that she never had. Jester waited for the warmth in her chest, to signify that the Traveler had gotten her message, but her chest stayed cold and empty, like part of it had been ripped out when the Chimera had ripped Beau's out. She looked up from her sketchbook and to the large form of Yasha sitting a few yards away. Jester got up with a sigh and walked over to Yasha.

“I’m so sorry Yasha. If I would have used my spells more wisely Beau would still be alive. It’s my fault.”

“No,” Yasha whispered. “It’s my fault. I should have waited and made sure we were safe before leaving. I should have heard the fighting, but I didn’t and I was too late to save her.”

Jester sat down next to Yasha.

“You can’t blame yourself…”

Jester was quickly cut off by Yasha shouting.

“But I can!”   
Jester recoiled a bit and looked at her hands, fiddling with her various rings.

Yasha looked up to Jester, her heart dropping at the quiet demeanor of the vibrant tiefling.

“Jester. I stopped… I stopped to pick fucking flowers.” she stated, her voice cracking with a level of emotion that Jester had never heard from her.

“They reminded me of her eyes, so I stopped to pick them and now she’s dead. It's all my fault.”

“Yasha.” Jester murmured. “Maybe we can take her to a temple or something to be revived.”

Yasha shook her head. “You know we can’t afford it. We collectively have 17 gold.”   
Jester stood and started to pace.

“So, what do we do now? Do we just give up on her? Say, “Oh, it's been fun Beauregard, but we’re dirt poor so we can’t revive your reckless ass. I guess you shouldn’t have punched a Chimera.”

Yasha looked back down to Beau.

“How the fuck should I know. You’re the cleric.”

“I KNOW!” 

Jester bellowed back. She shrank back a bit, her shoulders dropping.

“I’m the cleric.”

“Will you two just shut up already. It's none of your faults. Shitty things happen to shitty people. It's a fact of life.”

Molly grumbled while rubbing his face.

“We all knew that one day, one of us would die. It just happened to be Beau.”

Jester crossed her arms. “Well. What do you think we should do?”

“I think we should say our peace and bury her.”

“I agree with Molly.” Fjord chimed in. “It’s the best thing we can do for her now. And if we’re able to, maybe in the future we can come back and resurrect her.”

“I suggest that we compromise,” Caleb said, his voice hardly audible. “We could take her to a temple in Zadash and beg for them to revive her. And if that doesn’t work then we bury her.”

Fjord nodded to Caleb and stood. “Caleb has a point. We have quite a bit of pull in Zadash, it might work.”

Yasha picked up Beau’s body and carried it over to their wagon. “If we’re going to do that then we should get moving. We’re a little over half a day away from Zadash.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've decided to do one final chapter after this one, but it'll probably be up in a few days because my sister is coming home from her 6 month stay in Spain and I only have a week and a half with her before she has to move back to her home. Anyways, I hope you enjoy and thanks for reading!


	3. Never

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the last chapter in this arc. I decided to stray from my original idea and do more with this story. I hope you enjoy!

         Yasha picked up Beau’s body and carried it into the almost glowing Platnium House.

“I need help!”

The few clerics currently in the building rushed over and led Yasha over to a stone altar. Yasha set Beau’s body down and stepped back, letting one of the clerics look over Beau’s body as the other walked over to the group.

“How did your friend die?” The cleric asked.

Fjord crossed his arms and cleared his throat. “Chimera.”

The cleric nodded. “How long ago did she die?”

“Last night.” Yasha said, her voice cracking.

The cleric nodded again. “It will cost 500 gold to resurrect your friend.”

Yasha closed her eyes and turned away from the group while Caleb stepped closer to him.

“You see, mein freund, we are not made of money, but we are hard workers.” He paused for a moment. “Have you heard of the Mighty Nein?”

The cleric nodded. “Yeah, they won the victory pit last year.”

Caleb smiled. “Ja, gut… We are the Mighty Nein and if you revive our friend, we will work to earn the 500 gold you require, but also give you an extra 100 for a total of 600 gold. Does that sound like a deal to you?”

The cleric nodded. “Yeah.”

Caleb smiled and clapped the cleric on the should. “Danke.”

         

           The Cleric walked back to Beau and started to perform the revival. Yasha followed close behind and took Beau’s hand as they started to chant. Yasha ran her thumb over Beau’s busted knuckles.

“Would you like to say anything?”

Yasha nodded and moved to Beau’s head. “Come back to me, baby. We both know that I can’t do this alone. I love you with all of my heart.” She kissed Beau’s forehead and stepped back. Nott walked up next and pulled a piece of bacon out of one of her pockets. “You gave me your pocket bacon so many times, so I’ll give it to you this time.”

Jester was the last person to step up. “Beau. I couldn’t save you this morning, so please let me help save you now.” and she squeezed Beau’s hand.

The clerics stepped back as the spell ended and the group studied Beau’s body, looking for any sign of life. Yasha’s breathing picked up when nothing happened.

“No… No… this was supposed to work.”

Molly put his hand on Yasha’s arm as she started to hyperventilate. She ripped her arm away and ran out of the shrine. She stumbled out into the street and screamed at the sky. She felt a familiar coldness sweep over her as the skeletal wings unfurled from her back. She opened her eyes as rain started to fall around her and she took a deep breath. “Bring her back to me you MOTHERFUCKER!” She roared at the clouds. A low rumble of thunder responded and Yasha fell to her knees, her wings disappearing. “Bring her back to me..” She whispered as she felt the cold rain seep into her bones.

“Goth one, come inside.” Caleb shouted from the doorway.

Yasha slowly picked herself up and walked inside.

“You didn’t really think that I’d leave you, right?” Beau quipped from her seat on the altar. Yasha let out a relieved sob and rushed Beau, giving the monk a deep and hungry kiss. “My gods. I thought I had lost you.”

Beau smiled back, “Never.”

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, before you get mad at me for killing off Beau, I might do a second chapter. Let me know how my writing is. I've always been really scared to write about characters other than my OCs because I don't want to screw them up, so I would love some feedback. Plus this is my first time writing anything CR related so even posting this took a lot of balls. If you are gonna scream at me, come on over to my Tumblr @mountainofschist


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